The Goblet of Fire and the Minor-Who-Was-Selected
by JohnyXD
Summary: What happens when the semi-sentient Goblet of Fire is forced to select a minor when it's programmed to only accept of age champions? Why, ask the minor's guardians of course! Only, it goes just a 'bit' overboard.


_AN: At one time recently, I read the title "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" and tried (and failed miserably) to be funny so I simply switched the title around to "The Goblet of Fire and Harry Potter". That's why I thought it would be kind of novel to make a story about a semi-sentient Goblet. Unfortunately, I can't produce a story that's up to my standards. So I wrote something to at least satisfy my itch to write._

_Everything that starts with "▷" is the Goblet's thoughts, or for who understand the technical term : Console output._

* * *

Usually, a guardian's approval must be granted for any underage candidate to participate. Such stipulation wasn't taken into consideration when magically programming the Goblet since the champions this time around are (supposedly) all of age. A problem that needs solving. The thing is, when it solves problems, it tends to go just a 'bit' overboard.

When the Goblet selects Harry Potter, it detects he's too young and searches for his guardians to ask for permission. Suddenly, everyone in the hall hears a voice. Or it would be more accurate to say they see lines of text inside their minds.

▷ **CRITICAL ERROR! CHAMPION DOES NOT FIT PARAMETERS! START TROUBLESHOOTING PROGRAM!**

▷ Scanning... Champion Harry Potter did not enter himself in the Tournament. He has the right to protest. The Goblet will assist.

▷ Procedure requires reaching Champion Harry Potter's guardians. Scanning... Parents identified as Individuals Lily Evans and James Potter deceased. Reaching to next of kin and other connections...

▷ Individuals Petunia and Vernon Dursley never accepted Champion Harry Potter as their own and treated him abysmally. Not accepted.

▷ Individual Sirius Black has been absent for most of Champion Harry Potter's life and, right now, isn't considered by magic to be mentally healthy enough. Calculating recovery time... Too late. Not accepted.

▷ Individual Albus Dumbledore has been absent for most of Champion Harry Potter's life, has deliberately put Champion Harry Potter in harm's way with the intention of killing and/or debilitating him several times and isn't considered by magic to be mentally healthy enough. Not accepted.

▷ Widening search :

▷ ▷ Remus Lupin... Not accepted. Molly Weasley... Not accepted. Arthur Weasley... Not accepted. Minerva McGonagall... Not accepted. Filius Flitwick... Not accepted. Pomona Sprout... Not accepted. Poppy Pomfrey... Not accepted. Severus Snape... _HELL NO_.

▷ ▷ Hermione Granger... Problems detected : Not of Age, Several mild Loyalty Potions, Several Memory Alteration magics. Not Applicable.

▷ ▷ Hedwig... Accepted... Not Applicable.

▷ Champion Harry Potter would be considered "of age" by magic. Calculating... **OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE DETECTED!**

▷ **OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE NEUTRALIZED! INDIVIDUAL ALBUS DUMBLEDORE PETRIFIED AND WAND CONFISCATED UNTIL FURTHER INVESTIGATION!**

▷ Champion Harry Potter would be considered "of age" by magic. Re-calculating... Maturity is sufficient... Obstacles detected :

▷ ▷ Presence of a 66.67% Magical Core Binding by Individual Albus Dumbledore. Requesting reasons from individual's mind... None provided.

▷ ▷ Presence of a Soul Leach under the Magical Core Binding hampering 15% mind and constantly draining 12% magic. Analyzing... Soul Leach would have been rejected by the body and separated if not for the Magical Core Binding. Scanning... Individual Albus Dumbledore knew of it before performing the bind. Requesting reasons from individual's mind... None provided.

▷ ▷ Ties to a Blood Ward draining 7% magic. Analyzing... Blood Wards also force subservience and acceptance from Champion Harry Potter. Searching... by Individual Albus Dumbledore. Requesting reasons from individual's mind... Nonsense answer given. No valid reason provided.

▷ ▷ Hidden Link with Individual Dobby the House-elf draining less than 1% of excess magic. Scanning individual's mind... Devotion and loyalty detected. Accepted.

▷ ▷ Faulty Holly Phoenix Wand forcibly tied to him by Individual Garrick Ollivander, draining an average of 38% from magic output during casting and redirecting it.

▷ ▷ ▷ Requesting reasons from individual's mind... Traced to Individual Albus Dumbledore.

▷ ▷ ▷ Requesting reasons from individual's mind... Nonsense answer provided.

▷ ▷ ▷ Tracing... Destination detected in Hogwarts. Tracing... The Headmaster's Office. Analyzing... Several items of power tied to Champion Harry Potter's life, magic, blood, health and mind detected.

▷ ▷ Several mild Loyalty Potions keyed to individuals Albus Dumbledore and Ronald Weasley. Brewed by Severus Snape. Requesting reasons from individuals' minds... Nonsense answers given. No valid reason provided. **INDIVIDUALS SEVERUS SNAPE AND RONALD WEASLEY PETRIFIED AND WANDS CONFISCATED UNTIL FURTHER INVESTIGATION!**

▷ ▷ Several Memory Alteration magics cast by individuals Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape. Requesting reasons from individuals' mind... None provided.

▷ ▷ ▷ Individual Albus Dumbledore is concluded to be delusional, mentally unbalanced and senile. Forgoing future requests for reasons from the individual's mind.

▷ ▷ Health problems related to Malnutrition, Old badly healed wounds, Basilisk Venom in blood battling with Phoenix Tears. Scanning... Healer detected. Requesting reasons from individual's mind... Memory blocks and forced overriding oaths detected, Traced to Individual Albus Dumbledore. Forgoing reasons.

▷ ▷ Strong ties to Fate through Prophecies.

▷ No guardian available. Calculating power needed to reach the original guardians... Insufficient power.

▷ Requesting assistance from Hogwarts... Provided. More processing power available. Seven major intersecting Ley Lines detected. Connection to GAYA established. Power sufficient. In exchange, Goblet will forever be bound to Hogwarts. Acceptable.

▷ New information available. **INDIVIDUAL BARTEMIUS CROUCH JR. PETRIFIED AND WAND CONFISCATED UNTIL FURTHER INVESTIGATION!**

▷ Due to Individual Albus Dumbledore being unable to perform his duties as Headmaster, role temporarily transferred to GAYA.

▷ Pursuing all possible paths :

▷ ▷ Reach the original guardians.

▷ ▷ Improve Individual Hedwig to become applicable.

▷ ▷ Support Individual Sirius Black to become applicable.

▷ ▷ Purge Individual Hermione Granger of debilitating magic.

▷ ▷ Provide Champion Harry Potter aid to become applicable.

▷ Searching and requesting possible items, magics and ingredients...

▷ ▷ Willingly given Phoenix Tears, Feathers and Ashes provided by the being known as Fawkes.

▷ ▷ Willingly given Unicorn Blood and Horn provided by Hogwarts from the Forbidden Forest on the request of GAYA using House Elves.

▷ ▷ Basilisk Blood, Heart, Brain and Venom provided by Hogwarts after GAYA's permission and advice using House Elves.

▷ ▷ Willingly given Veela Blood and Hair provided by Champion Fleur Delacour.

▷ ▷ Several items of power including Wands provided by Hogwarts from several places, mainly the Room of Hidden Things.

▷ ▷ Several items of power including Time Turner, Elixir of Life and Philosopher's Stone provided by Hogwarts from the Headmaster's Office.

▷ ▷ Several tomes of power including Grimoires provided by Hogwarts from several places, mainly the Room of Hidden Things, the Library and the Headmaster's Office.

▷ ▷ Detecting exceptionally powerful Artifacts.

▷ ▷ ▷ Confiscated Wand is available. Analyzing... Elder Wand detected.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Requesting... Champion Harry Potter gave permission to use his Family Heirloom.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Analyzing... Invisibility Cloak detected. WARNING : Invisibility Cloak is soaked with Malaclaw Venom.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Analyzing... Scanning the minds of the suspects... Detected responsibility with Individuals Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape. Nonsense answer given. No valid reason provided.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Calculating... Optimal cleansing process is to reverse the Malaclaw Venom's unluck by brewing it to make a Felix Felicis and permanently enchanting it with luck.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Brewing and enchanting the cloak will be delegated to a different process.

▷ ▷ ▷ Trinity Link Detected. Analyzing... Detected third Artifact to complete the Trinity. Searching... Calculating... Analyzing... Analysis concludes Champion Harry Potter as rightful owner. Requesting permission... Granted. Summoning... Due to distance and the presence of Wards and protections, summoning and analyzing the Third Item will be delegated to a different process.

▷ ▷ Various nutrition, healing and other beneficial potions including Felix Felicis provided by Hogwarts from Dungeon and Health Ward.

▷ Cleansing Champion Harry Potter of harmful effects...

▷ ▷ Analyzing Magical Core Binding... Safely being removed. Complete safe removal in 9.53 days. Calculating... Using several ingredients, process was accelerated. Complete safe removal in 13 minutes and 44 seconds.

▷ ▷ Analyzing Soul Leach... Several related Soul Containers detected. Safe purging... Failure. Too integrated in Host's soul. Safe purging unavailable. Purifying... Success. Integrating... Success. Estimating Champion Harry Potter's Soul and Magic to be 7% more potent than base.

▷ ▷ Re-calibrating Blood Ward... Blood Ward now permanent and purely beneficial. **WARNING!** Magic drain very high. With GAYA's permission, magic drain redirected to nearest Ley Line.

▷ ▷ Individual Dobby requests reinforcing his Link to Champion Harry Potter. Granted. Link Upgraded to Bond.

▷ ▷ ▷ Individual Dobby requests bonding Champion Harry Potter with several other House-elves... Scanning minds... Calculating... Granted. Bonding of twelve other House-elves successful.

▷ ▷ ▷ Due to potency and innate nature of Champion Harry Potter's magic, all damage to bonded House-elves is restorable. Bonded House-elves will receive optimizations over time.

▷ ▷ ▷ No further interference necessary.

▷ ▷ Replacing Faulty Holly Phoenix Wand with a more compatible Magical Foci. Calculating... Elder Wand volunteers. Analyzing... Accepted.

▷ ▷ Champion Harry Potter Magical Core Binding removal successful.

▷ ▷ Loyalty Potions neutralized. Administering Flushing Draught... Success.

▷ ▷ Memory Alteration magics removed. Memories safely returning to origin in varying amounts of time.

▷ ▷ Solving Health problems... Partial success. Basilisk Venom persists. Adapting body using ingredients and potions... Success. Calculating... Immunity to most harmful substances acquired. Lifespan increased slightly.

▷ ▷ According to GAYA, all known Prophecies related to Champion Harry Potter are found to be self-fulfilling. Ignoring.

▷ Secondary Process delegated to the summoning and analysis of the Third Item complete.

▷ Soul Containers are abhorred by Magic. Searching... Diadem, Cup, Locket, Ring, Snake Maledictus and Homunculus detected.

▷ ▷ Analyzing... Calculating... Summoning... Purging... Partial Success. Homunculus Persists.

▷ ▷ Purifying other Soul Fragments... Success.

▷ ▷ Integrating with Champion Harry Potter... Success. Estimating Champion Harry Potter's Soul and Magic to be 40.26% more potent than base.

▷ ▷ Homunculus identified as Individual Tom Riddle. Scanning individual's mind... **INDIVIDUAL TOM RIDDLE PETRIFIED AND WAND CONFISCATED UNTIL FURTHER INVESTIGATION!**

▷ ▷ ▷ Summoning... Partially Successful. Individual Peter Pettigrew was present during the summoning and forced himself to be brought too.

▷ ▷ ▷ Scanning individual's mind... Harmful intentions to everyone but himself, including Champion Harry Potter. **INDIVIDUAL PETER PETTIGREW PETRIFIED AND WAND CONFISCATED UNTIL FURTHER INVESTIGATION!**

▷ Secondary Process delegated to enchanting the Invisibility Cloak complete.

▷ Bringing back original guardians... Calculating... Possible. Executing... Success. Due to having the Deathly Hallows, process was sped up by an estimate of 30,000,000%.

▷ Purging Individual Hermione Granger of harmful effects... Success. Scanning... Analyzing... Passable. Individual Hermione Granger is now considered "of age" by GAYA.

▷ Supporting Individual Sirius Black. Analyzing... Calculating... Adapting body... Adapting mind... Adapting soul... Success.

▷ Improving Individual Hedwig. Calculating...

▷ ▷ Analysis of Snake Maledictus complete.

▷ ▷ Requesting...

▷ ▷ ▷ Permission to analyse Animagus Transformation from Individual Minerva McGonagal... Granted. Analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Permission to analyse Animagus Transformation from Individual Sirius Black... Granted. Analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Permission to analyse Animagus Transformation from Individual Rita Skeeter... Denied. Calculating... Individual Rita Skeeter seeks to use Champion Harry Potter to further her career no matter the cost. This provides possible danger to Champion Harry Potter. **INDIVIDUAL RITA SKEETER PETRIFIED AND WAND CONFISCATED UNTIL FURTHER INVESTIGATION!** Forcibly analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Permission to analyse Phoenix Rebirth from Individual Fawkes... Individual suggested full analysis of abilities. Granted. Analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Permission to analyse Veela Heritage from Champion Fleur Delacour... Granted. Analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Permission to analyse Metamorphmagi from Individual Nymphadora Tonks... Granted. Analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Champion Harry Potter suggests to analyse Parseltongue ability from him and Individual Tom Riddle... Granted. Analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Permission to analyse several Magical creatures and beings under Hogwarts' influence granted from every being following their acceptance. Analyzing...

▷ ▷ ▷ Calculating... Necessary ingredients include the Cores of some of the acquired Wands. Extracting... Integrating ingredients... Adapting body... Success.

▷ ▷ ▷ Individual Hedwig has now gained several abilities, notably :

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Humanoid (Witch & Wizard) : Metamorphmagi, Eternal Youth, Magical Beauty, Allure, Parseltongue, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Canine (Cerberus, Grimm [Animagus], Werewolf [Human]) : Sharper Senses, Sixth Sense, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Feline (Kneasle) : Empathy, Danger Prediction.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Arachnid (Acromantula) : Magical Venom, Magical Silk Production, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Dragon : Dragon Fire, Sharper Senses, Harmful Magic Resistance, Flight Magic, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Equine (Unicorn, Pegasus & Thestral) : Flight Magic, Empathy, Magical Nursing, Magical Purity, Sense Death, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Phoenix : Dimentional Flaming, Song of Life and Emotion, Empathy, Healing Magic (Based on Phoenix Tears and the Elixir of Life. Optimized by other ingredients and potions), Phoenix Fire, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Reptile (Basilisk, Snake [Maledictus]) : Longevity, Death Gaze, Harmful Magic Resistance, Magical Venom, Parseltongue, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Ghost : Phasing, Invisibility, Harmful Magic Resistance, etc.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Analysis of Animagi, Metamorphmagi, Veela Transformation, Werewolf Transformation and Boggarts granted the ability to easily shift to any form.

▷ ▷ ▷ Calculating... Lifespan increased tremendously.

▷ ▷ Calculating... Adapting mind... Success. Due to Individual Hedwig's base intelligence being higher than 73% of all beings present in Hogwarts, elevated sentience was easily provided.

▷ ▷ Calculating... Adapting soul... Success. Individual Hedwig can now perform magic at will. Estimating Individual Hedwig's Soul to be 313.96% more potent than base.

▷ ▷ Individual Hedwig requested the same improvement upon Champion Harry Potter. Granted. Analyzing result... Optimizing process... Calculating... Adapting body... Adapting mind... Adapting soul... Success. Estimating Champion Harry Potter's Soul to be 196.83% more potent than newly adapted base. Lifespan increased tremendously.

▷ ▷ Individual Hedwig requested the bond between her and Champion Harry Potter be reinforced. Both parties must agree. Requesting... Granted. Calculating... Adapting mind... Adapting soul... Success.

▷ Calculating Success Rate in the Tournament... Inconsistent.

▷ ▷ Champion Harry Potter had a very high potential even before the provided aid. Individual Harry Potter is not eligible to be Champion.

▷ ▷ Requesting... Champion Hedwig volunteered to substitute. Calculating Success Rate in the Tournament... Barely acceptable. Champion Hedwig has the advantage over all other champions combined but is far more manageable than Individual Harry Potter. Equalizing... Champion Hedwig has agreed to not use many game breaking abilities. Calculating...

▷ ▷ ▷ Individual Harry Potter suggested if Champion Fleur Delacour helped him, he would like the Goblet to reward her. Following suggestion, calculation will resume after rewards are handed out.

▷ ▷ ▷ Rewards are left to GAYA's discretion :

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Hogwarts will receive renewed Wards. Purging every magical interference on Hogwarts by individuals Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape and Tom Riddle.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Champion Fleur Delacour will receive 54% more magic potency. Potential lifespan increased by 10%.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Individual Nymphadora Tonks will receive 49% more magic potency. Metamorph power will, however, stabilize with the added potency and will therefore stop hindering her at inopportune times. Potential lifespan increased by 8%.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Individuals Minerva McGonagal, Filius Flitwick and Pomona Sprout will receive 12% more magic potency and become 40% younger.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Healer Poppy Pomfrey purged of harmful effects and released of interfering oaths. Analysis reveals strong opposition and resistance to oaths and memory blocks. Healer Poppy Pomfrey will receive 21% more magic potency and become 50% younger.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Analysis of Individual Hermione Granger reveals strong Loyalty to Individual Harry Potter even in opposition to debilitating magic. She will receive 27% more magic potency. Potential lifespan increased by 15%. Per her request, she will have access to every book and Grimoire in Hogwarts.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ **WARNING!** To all rewarded individuals, adaptation to new potency and age recommended.

▷ ▷ ▷ Punishments are left to GAYA's discretion :

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Individuals Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape, Peter Pettigrew, Bartemius Crouch Junior and Tom Riddle will be stripped of Magic, Memories and all their possessions. Everything will be handed to Hogwarts pending further decisions.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Hogwarts decided to sort through the knowledge and write whatever is useful in books and Grimoires. The acquired magic will be returned to GAYA.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Individual Rita Skeeter is banned permanently from Hogwarts' grounds and will be handed to Aurors.

▷ ▷ ▷ ▷ Individual Ronald Weasley is banned permanently from Hogwarts' grounds.

▷ ▷ ▷ Champion Hedwig requested she and Individual Harry Potter gain future access to Goblet services. Hogwarts vouches for them. Unnecessary. Accepted.

▷ Calculating... Tournament will proceed.

▷ Analyzing... Due to the lack of intelligence and the abundance of self interest in most of the Tournament's organizers and managers, they are now banned from Hogwarts. GAYA will take over the Tournament's management.

* * *

_AN: I'd really like to read your opinions about this type of writing. Any __constructive criticism is welcome._


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